


The Mermaid That Wasn’t One

by thorkified



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive Drinking, Interspecies Relationship(s), Isolation, M/M, Mermaids, Panic Attacks, Pining, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Serious Injuries, Sirens, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 20:36:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: After everything that happened with the Avengers and Steve, Tony finds himself unable to take this life anymore. He retreats to one of his private islands, leaving everything and everyone behind, even though it's slowly destroying him. Until he finds a boy at the shore one day, who for the first time again makes it seem like his life is worth at least something.





	The Mermaid That Wasn’t One

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be clear: Peter in this story is not actually Peter. He is simply treated as such by Tony.

* * *

 

After everything that happened in Berlin and Siberia, Tony realized he can’t do this anymore. He tried so hard to make up for the things he did in the past, but it all seems to be so useless suddenly, so meaningless. The Avengers are split apart, one of the people he thought he could trust with his life turned out to side with the murder of his parents and what he thought was his home, now causes him to be anxious and to panic even. It’s just too much, he needs to get out of this nightmare.

Tony’s escape turns out to be a private island he owns, without any connection to the outside world, without anyone else on it but him. Once it was supposed to be a place to relax at, now it’s where he hides from the world. No one knows he’s there, he simply disappeared one night and didn’t come back. It’s better this way, he knows it. Whatever he tried to be, it’s just not him. He can’t keep pretending everything is right.

It’s quiet, sometimes too much, and the isolation from everyone he knows is taking a toll on Tony after a while. He starts drinking much more than he should, spends too much time thinking about what he left behind, especially about the kid. The damn kid…

Telling himself he had recruited Peter because he was desperate had worked as long as he was still believing he was fighting for something, but now that he’s alone with no one to stop his thoughts from wandering, he can’t lie to himself anymore. He had watched - almost stalked, let’s be honest - the kid for a long time before approaching him already. Not only because he’s Spider-Man, but also out of his own morbid curiosity and messed up head. Now it comes crashing down on him, all of it at once, and it’s too much to bear at times, leaving excessive drinking to be his only way out of drowning in those thoughts.

He’s in a very dark place, so much is clear. At times, Tony doesn’t even know if it’s day or night, just hiding in the workshop he built in the basement of the house, drink in hand and footage he knows by heart already playing on loop. He wants it to stop and at the same time he knows there’s only one way to actually make it stop and he’s not there yet. Eventually, he will get there, there’s no way around it, but not yet…

It’s a security alert that wakes Tony up one morning, before the sun even rose fully. The alert shows an intruder, but that can’t be. No one knows he’s here, right? If anyone found him, he will have to leave this place and Tony just knows he won’t be able to do that. He needs to find out what’s going on, so he gets dressed and leaves the house, running to the shore where the supposed intruder was spotted. When he comes closer, though, he doesn’t believe his eyes at first.

There is clearly someone, holding onto one of the big rocks in the water, but that’s all Tony can see without approaching the person further. It makes no sense for anyone to be there, the island is miles from the coast, no one could swim this far! Tony shakes his head and comes closer and then he suddenly hears it. Crying and sobbing in a hauntingly familiar voice that makes his heart ache and a cold shiver run down his spine. Tony picks up running without even realizing it. He has to wade through the water to reach the rock and when he does, he notices that the bright blue of the ocean is replaced with a dark, intense red. Blood.

The sobs are so desperate and filled with so much pain that Tony momentarily forgets his confusion and closes the distance between him and the boy in the water. A boy with pretty brown curls and pale skin. A boy that brings back so many memories it actually hurts.

“My God, what happened to you?” he asks confused, the bloody water foaming around his feet with each wave. There’s another heart-wrenching sob before he hears the boy’s voice and it’s like a knife in his chest.

“It hurts so much…”

Tony swallows and tries to not allow the thought that creeps into his head to fully form. No, this can’t be. He must be hallucinating, that’s all. He’s going crazy all alone out here.

His eyes wander down the boy’s body, but everything below his hips is in the water, undoubtedly the reason for all this blood. He can’t understand why the boy is still alive, whatever wound he has can’t possibly be anything but lethal with all the blood loss.

“It’s alright, I’ll help you, okay?” Tony forces himself to say, even though he has no idea how to do that. “Can you show me your legs? I need to see how bad it is.”

There’s another sob and then the boy suddenly turns his head, beautiful tear-filled doe eyes looking up at Tony. For a second, Tony thinks his heart stopped beating.

_Peter!_

No, no no no, this can’t be! This boy can’t be Peter, it’s impossible! Tony takes a step back in complete shock and then suddenly sees it, poking slightly out of the water behind the boy as he cries out in pain. A fin.

“Jesus Christ…” Tony whispers, eyes glued to the bloody and torn fin. For a moment, he actually forgets his shock about the boy’s face and steps closer again, reaching out with a hand.

The boy flinches when Tony touches his fin and cries out again.

“Make it stop, please!” he begs, sobbing against the rock. “Please make it stop, it hurts so much…”

Tony can’t speak, but he can see more of the boy’s body below his hips now and it’s clear that there are no legs for him to fix, but instead a long tail that must have been impressive once, but that is now torn and bloody and completely ripped apart in places. He can see huge chunks of flesh missing from just this hesitant look, making it clear why it hurts so much.

“What happened to you?” he asks again, inspecting the boy’s tail the best he can with it still being in the bloody, murky water.

“They… they hurt me,” the boy sobs, his voice so full of pain it breaks Tony’s heart. “Please make it stop…”

Tony knows there’s only one thing he can do and it’s going to be impossible while they are here. The boy is in pain, he is severely wounded and if there’s any chance to help him, Tony will need much more space and a ton of luck to make it happen. So, he takes a deep breath and looks at the boy.

“I’ll help you, but I have to take you to my house,” he says, watching as fear creeps into those pretty brown eyes. “I need to look at your tail, I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

After a moment, the boy finally nods and Tony smiles shakily. It’s a start, at least. He bends down and shoves one of his arms under the boy’s chest, keeping the second in the water for now.

“I have to carry you, can you hold onto my neck?”

There’s some hesitation before the boy slowly wraps his arms around Tony’s neck and he realizes immediately that there’s very little strength left in him. Now that he can pull the boy up a bit he can see more of the damage at least and eventually finds a spot where he can use his other arm to actually pick him up.

The boy’s tail is completely torn apart, Tony can see so much without even taking a closer look. He’s whimpering against Tony’s neck as he carries him out of the water and up to the house and just hearing those noises makes Tony’s heart ache. Why this boy - mermaid, he’s a mermaid - looks like Peter is beyond him, but he can’t let that stop him from helping.

When he bought the house, Tony had insisted on a salt water pool that gets its water from the ocean itself, making it much easier to maintain. Now, that’s exactly where he takes the boy before gently letting him down in the water. It’s a bit warmer than the ocean itself due to the black tiles, which seems to confuse the boy.

“You stay here, okay?” Tony says and tries to give him a reassuring smile. “I will get something to take care of your tail, it will only be a few minutes, I promise.”

When he returns five minutes later, Tony carries a large boy full of first aid materials and a few big towels that he spreads on top of each other next to the pool. The boy is holding onto the edge and still cries, but the clean water managed to wash a bit more of the blood away. Tony tries to ignore the fact that the boy’s tail looks only worse this way and carefully lifts him out of the pool again, laying him down on the towels.

“It’s bad… it’s so bad,” the boy sobs and clutches the towels so hard his knuckles turn white.

“I’ll fix it, okay?” Tony says sternly and opens the box he put down next to himself. He takes out a small bottle of pills and another that’s filled with water. “Here, take these,” he instructs the boy and pours out two of the pills, then thinks for a moment before pouring out another. “They will take the pain away, it will hurt too much if I touch your tail now.”

The boy looks at him with pain filled eyes but surprisingly obeys and allows Tony to put the pills into his mouth, followed by some of the water from the bottle. After swallowing the pills down he starts coughing, almost making Tony fear he would throw it all up again, but he doesn’t.

The pills don’t take long before they start working and until then, Tony takes one of the spare towels he brought and soaks it with water from the pool. He carefully wraps it around the boy’s tail close to his hips, not knowing how much water he would need to stay alive.

When he can finally take a close look at the boy’s tail, he doesn’t take long to realize that whatever happened was extremely close to killing him. There is barely anything left halfway down the tail and the towel is already soaked with blood after only a few minutes.

“Just kill me,” the boy suddenly sobs and Tony’s head snaps up. He stares at him with wide eyes, unable to believe what he just heard. “I can’t swim anymore, I… I can’t live without my tail… they will kill me when I go back, just do it, please… it won’t hurt as much when you do it…”

“I won’t kill you,” Tony says, determined to keep the boy alive. He doesn’t care what it takes, he can’t let him die. “I promised to help you and I will.”

No matter how hard he tries, however, it’s impossible to save the boy’s tail. There is too much that is torn apart, too many wounds, too much flesh missing. He cleans all the wounds and bandages the tail up the best he can, but he knows that it won’t help much. When he’s done, the boy has stopped sobbing uncontrollably, but there are still silent tears rolling down his cheeks and a horribly crushed look in his eyes when he sees his tail. The pills have eased the pain by now, but that’s the only condolence Tony can give him.

“I can fix you, but… it won’t be easy,” Tony says after a while and the boy looks up at him.

“How?” he asks quietly, not believing the man’s words. “It’s just… bones and blood…”

Tony swallows and glances down at the tail. The boy is right, there isn’t much left to fix. But it’s enough for what Tony has in mind, or so he hopes.

“I’m a mechanic of sorts,” he explains, without looking up. “I build and fix things. I can make you a new tail, one that no one can destroy anymore. One that you can use to swim again.”

“Why do you want to help me?” the boy asks, his voice so hurt and full of disbelief that Tony has to turn his head. “You don’t know me.”

“You remind me of someone,” Tony admits, giving the boy a sad smile. “And before I came here, I… I tried to help people. Maybe I can do it one last time…”

The boy doesn’t say anything to this, but he keeps looking at Tony for a while longer before finally nodding. Tony doesn’t know why he’s so relieved that the boy accepts his help, but for the first time in months he feels like there’s a reason for him to still be here. Even if it’s only to help this poor thing that has been hurt so horribly. It’s something at least.

“Do you have a name?” he asks after a few minutes of silence and the boy shakes his head, looking away from him.

“Everyone calls me something different,” he says quietly. “I don’t have a real name…”

The answer makes Tony’s chest tighten. “Do you mind if I call you Peter?”

The boy frowns and gives Tony a confused look. “Why would you do that?”

“You look like someone I know,” Tony says and shrugs, a little embarrassed by all of this. “His name is Peter too. I can call you something else if you don’t like it, too, that’s fine.”

“No, I… I like Peter,” the boy says hesitantly, still not sounding fully convinced. “It’s a nice name.”

“Yeah, it is…”

\-----

It’s probably one of the most difficult things Tony has ever worked on, but he’s determined to fix the boy’s tail and to help him swim again. In the meantime, ‘Peter’ stays in Tony’s pool, where nothing can attack him while he still has the necessary ocean water he needs to survive. They develop a method for Peter to be able to stay with Tony in his lab for a few hours by using a simple tub with salt water for him to lay in, which is necessary because Tony constantly needs to measure something or take care of the wounds on his tail.

During the weeks they live like this, the boy grows onto Tony more and more, without him even noticing it. At first he’s very quiet and distanced, only speaking when Tony asks something and rarely showing any emotions, but as time goes by and Tony’s sudden excitement over what he’s doing infects the boy, things change slowly.

They start talking more while Tony works, hesitant and careful at first, but after some time, it becomes a little easier. Tony tells Peter about his life before he came to live on the island after some time, about the things he did and about what made him leave it all behind eventually. As he does, he keeps his attention on his work instead of looking up, knowing that if he looked at this face that’s just like Peter’s, he’d probably bawl his eyes out within minutes. It’s difficult enough talking about these things on their own already, really.

“Do you miss him a lot?” the boy finally asks when Tony finished talking, leaning over the tub to look at him.

“Sometimes,” Tony says quietly, then suddenly shakes his head. “No, not sometimes… often. Too often for my own liking...” Admitting it is hard, but it’s the truth. He misses Peter every day, actually, and it never gets any easier. Or it didn’t until he found the boy at least. It’s not exactly easier now either, but somehow it’s more bearable. That’s more than he ever expected to happen.

“You think he misses you too?”

The question makes Tony freeze for a second before he turns his head and looks at the boy with his eyes so full of guilt that it’s impossible to miss. He’s not sure why this hurts him so much, but he can’t deny that it does.

“Why would he?” he finally asks, swallowing down the lump in his throat that makes his voice sound thick and emotional. “It’s better if he goes on by himself. He got the suit, it will help him do better. He doesn’t need me.”

The other Peter tilts his head and lays it down on his arms, looking at Tony. “It sounded as if he really likes you,” he comments. “That you disappeared like that must have been hard for him…”

Tony actually has to put down his tools and step back from the table. Peter being hurt by him disappearing is nothing he likes thinking about and now it’s all that he can see anymore. He shakes his head slowly and walks over to one of the shelves, pouring himself a drink that he downs immediately. It doesn’t help sadly, it just makes his throat burn.

“Can we not talk about him, please?” he finally asks, his voice trembling slightly. “I’m sorry, I know it’s hypocrite saying that after asking to call you Peter, but I try not to think about him or what happened…”

“Did I upset you?” the boy asks after a moment and Tony looks up, finding a worried face.

“No, you didn’t, it’s just… difficult to think about him, that’s all.” It’s half the truth at least, so he’s not lying. Thinking about Peter hurts and often puts him in a very bad place, which is something he doesn’t need right now.

The other Peter looks incredibly sorry for even bringing the topic up and that - apart from his apologies about it for the rest of the day - helps keep Tony on track and not lose himself in memories. He even manages to get back to work when the boy starts talking about the ocean and about the things he has seen. It’s calming to listen to him, it helps Tony work and not think too much. Weird, but he takes what he can get.

When Tony finally finished the new tail enough for a first fitting, he is very excited to see if it will work. They do it at the pool, simply because there’s more room so Peter can test out how good it fits and works. The tail is made of very light metal that won’t pull the boy down and that’s flexible enough to be moved freely. It’s attached with leather straps around Peter’s hips for the time being, later it will permanently be a part of him so it’s impossible that it just falls off, but right now it’s important to do just that.

“It’s going to feel strange,” Tony explains when he closes the straps and then moves on to fit the tail onto what’s left of Peter’s own one. “Right now it’s just to see if it’s too heavy and if you can move it, okay? When it’s done, the new tail will be a permanent part of you.”

Peter looks sceptical and eyes the tail with a frown. “I just move my bones inside of it,” he comments, not at all convinced.

“That’s because I can’t attach them to the tail itself yet,” Tony nods and pulls out a blueprint to show Peter exactly what he’s talking about. “You see this part in the middle? That’s where your bones will be attached to the tail in the end. It will work just like your real one. Once you got used to it, you won’t even have to think about how it works anymore.”

“If you attach it to my bones it will hurt,” Peter says quietly. “You said you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I won’t,” Tony assures him quickly and shakes his head. “When I fit it onto you finally you won’t feel anything. You’ll be asleep. That’s because it would hurt a lot if you were awake, but I promise it won’t hurt when you wake up.”

“Okay,” the boy nods and looks back down at his tail. He can’t move it a lot right now, but he manages to lift it a bit at least. “It’s light… are you sure they can’t destroy it anymore?”

“Not a chance,” Tony says and smiles proudly. “It’s a very strong metal, I don’t think even a shark could tear through it with its teeth. It also won’t rust or become weaker over time.” Not that he wants to test the tail against a shark, obviously, but it’s strong enough to withstand one of his own blasters, so he’s optimistic.

“Wow… you really know what you are doing.” It’s the first time Tony hears the boy being impressed and it makes his heart flutter for some reason.

_He sounds just like Peter…_

“I have some practice,” he says quickly and shakes his head to push this thought back, not wanting to think about the real Peter right now. “Does it hurt anywhere? Is it uncomfortable?”

Peter moves the tail again and then shakes his head. “It’s just… strange, that’s all. And a bit cold.”

“You will get used to it, I promise,” Tony says with a smile. “It won’t be long until I’m done, maybe a week or two. I want to make sure you can move it any way you need to swim.”

“I’d like to swim again,” Peter sighs and looks over to the ocean. “I don’t belong on land…”

Somehow, those words make Tony’s heart ache, but he knows the boy is right of course. He belong to the ocean, he’s not made to live like this, not even in a pool. He’s trapped, like a caged animal. It’s just not right, no matter how much it hurts.

“You will, very soon,” Tony promises again and by God, he will make it happen, even if it’s the last thing he does.

\-----

It’s a bit longer than two weeks that Tony eventually takes to finish the tail, but he insists on making it perfect. There’s one last fitting before Tony attaches the tail permanently that goes well, but when they come to the point where it’s actually about to happen, Peter seems nervous.

“Are you sure this will work?” he asks, already laying on the ‘surgery table’ Tony designed specifically for this procedure that makes sure he stays wet during the whole thing. “What if I can’t move it?”

There is a risk, of course, and Tony can’t hide that from the boy. He runs a hand through Peter’s hair gently, giving him a warm smile. “I’ll make sure it will,” he assures him calmly. “You’ll be able to move it and you won’t even notice anything is different anymore after a while.”

Peter nods, despite still looking scared. Tony wishes he could just take all the worries away from the boy, but it won’t be possible sadly. Instead, he will keep his promise to fix his tail and hopefully that will make him feel better.

“Sleep a little, okay?” he smiles as he puts the mask on Peter’s face that covers his mouth and nose. “And when you wake up, you’ll be as good as new again.”

There’s a faint smile before the boy closes his eyes and after less than a minute already, he’s fast asleep. Tony takes a moment to ground himself before starting the procedure, not wanting shaky hands or nervousness to ruin anything. Then, he gets to work.

Attaching Peter’s new tail to him takes almost two whole hours in the end. The easiest part is to make sure it’s securely attached to the boy’s waist, but that’s not what Tony worried about at all. What’s more difficult is to make sure that Peter’s tail bones are positioned right and safely so he can actually move the tail and not end up being paralyzed inside of it. It’s all experimental of course, as Tony has never done anything similar to this before, but he made countless of calculations and ran a dozen simulations, giving him some hope that it will work out right.

Tony carries Peter back to the poolside after the surgery and stays with him until the boy wakes up again. It’s a slow process, but he doesn’t mind. Instead, he watches Peter’s face for any sign of pain, luckily finding nothing close to it.

“How do you feel?” he asks when Peter’s eyes have cleared up a bit more and the anaesthetic has worn off mostly.

“Weird,” Peter mumbles and licks his lips. Tony hands him a bottle of water and he takes a few sips, which seems to make it better. “Did it work?”

“Why don’t you look for yourself?” Tony asks with a smirk and takes the wet towel off the boy’s new tail. He can see Peter’s eyes widen when he looks down, which makes his chest swell with pride. “Do you like it?”

“It’s awesome!” Peter whispers, unable to look away from what Tony has created.

The tail is very smooth and looks like it’s made of simple scales, but each of them is its own small metal plate, giving it the most effective flexibility. It spans the whole length of Peter’s tailbone and at the bottom he can even see the bones themselves partially.

“I thought I’d let you pick the color,” Tony says with a smile, very pleased by Peter’s obvious fascination. “It won’t wash off or anything, but I didn’t want to make that decision for you.”

“Wow…” Peter whispers in awe, not even able to address Tony’s words. “Can I move it?”

“How about you try?” Tony suggests and shrugs. “It might be a little hard at first, but the more you practice, the easier it gets.”

Peter’s face changes a little and he looks very concentrated and focused when he tries moving his new tail. At first, nothing happens, but then there’s suddenly a jerk and he lashes out with it slightly.

“Damn!” Peter hisses, trying again. This time, it’s less jerking and more actually moving it. Not smooth yet, but it will get there. “It’s so cool…”

“You can try it out in the pool,” Tony chuckles and sits back, relaxing slightly. “Maybe don’t go back to the ocean until you can fully control it though.”

The boy gives him a quick glance before rolling himself to the side, dropping into the pool with ease. He stays underwater for a bit and Tony can see him move his tail carefully, as if to test out how to do it right. It takes a few minutes before he comes back to the surface and looks at him.

“It doesn’t pull me down!” he says excited, his new tail sticking out of the water behind him.

“Promised you it wouldn’t, didn’t I?” Tony laughs and crosses his legs. “Wanna try to actually swim with it? I want to see if it works.”

Peter nods and dives back into the water. His first attempt at actually swimming is a bit cut off and jerky, but he moves through the full length of the pool anyway and when he turns to swim back, it already gets a bit more natural.

“It works, it works!” the boy exclaims happily when he breaks back through the surface and gives Tony a bright smile. “I can swim again!”

Tony just smiles back at the boy, both happy and sad at the same time. He knows that Peter won’t stay now that he can swim again, it’s too clear how desperate he is to get back into the ocean and to have his freedom back. He doesn’t want to be sad about it, but he can’t help it.

Over the last weeks, Tony got so used and accustomed to the boy’s presence, almost believing at times that he actually had Peter back. Now, though, he has to accept that all of that was just make believe, that no matter how much he looks like the boy he misses so much this isn’t actually Peter and he can’t possibly make him stay when he craves to go back to his own life so desperately.

 _Maybe it’s for the best,_ he thinks as he watches the boy practice using his new tail. At least he was able to help someone one last time, that should be worth something, right? Not that it takes away the feeling of loss in his heart, but there’s not much he can do about that sadly.

\-----

Surprisingly though, when he can use his tail again perfectly a week later, Peter doesn’t ask Tony to let him go. Instead, he asks Tony how the water supply for the pool works, which really confuses the man greatly.

“You mean, how the water gets exchanged?”

“Yes, you said it comes directly from the ocean, right?” Peter leans against the pool edge, arms on top of it and waves his tail through the water as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Is it like a canal or just a pipe?”

“It’s a small canal, actually,” Tony says, blinking confused. “The grid over there covers it so nothing comes in that’s not supposed to.”

Peter looks at the spot Tony points at and suddenly swims over, inspecting it. That’s when Tony finally understands what this is about. Peter wants to see if the canal is big enough for him to use it, but why? If he wants to leave, why doesn’t he just ask?

“It looks big,” the boy says when he swims back over to him, tilting his head. “Does it go directly to the ocean?”

Tony nods slowly. “There’s no filter system in between, just in the grid itself,” he explains. “Why are you asking? I can carry you back to the ocean, that’s no problem.”

“But how will I come back then?” Peter asks in a serious tone of voice that completely takes Tony off guard.

“C-Come back?” he stammers and the boy smiles at him.

“Of course! I don’t want to leave, I just… need more space and find something to eat.”

“But… you have food?” Tony doesn’t understand this part, he always makes sure Peter has enough to eat? Why does he mention this specifically?

Peter shrugs and smiles up at him. “I love the food you give me, but I need… different things sometimes,” he says innocently. “But I wanna come back too. If you want me to…”

Tony is stunned for a moment before he can progress what Peter actually means. “You… you’re serious?” he asks, blinking confused. “You don’t want to leave?”

“Of course not,” Peter says and laughs. “I _like_ you! I just really want to swim again, that’s all.”

Tony’s heart jumps in his chest at those words. He didn’t even dare to hope Peter would want to stay with him, but it’s really all he wanted to happen. It’s selfish, sure, but he really likes the boy and doesn’t want to go back to being alone like before.

“I… I’d like you to stay, yeah,” Tony mumbles, still trying to process this is actually happening. “I think the canal is big enough for you to swim through, but I’m not sure…”

“Can you take off the grid so I can try?” Peter asks, his tail splashing in excitement. Tony can’t possibly say no and nods, standing up to get a screwdriver to unscrew the grid.

When he’s done, he gives Peter a serious look. “Please be careful, okay? Go slow and if there’s anything in your way, try to swim back here. We can find a different way if that’s the case.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Peter laughs and pushes himself out of the water enough to kiss Tony’s cheek. Then, he dives back into the water, leaving the man completely dumbfounded and shocked by what just happened.

As it turns out, the canal is actually big enough for Peter to swim through it perfectly. Only a few minutes later, Tony hears someone call his name and he runs to the shore where the canal leads to, finding Peter darting through the water at full speed. He jumps out of it and spots Tony, waving happily before swimming over to him.

“It’s amazing!” he says utterly excited when he jumps onto one of the stones that are here too and smiles at Tony. “I can swim so much faster than before!”

“Just be careful, promised?” Tony laughs, relieved that Peter made it to the ocean. It’s so clear how much he missed this and knowing he was able to help him get this back makes him very happy.

“I promise,” Peter grins, splashing with his tail. “I’ll be back tonight, will you wait for me?”

“Always,” Tony promises and watches the boy dive back into the ocean. Just knowing Peter wants to come back is enough for him to wait, even if he has to wait forever.

\-----

What Tony doesn’t know is that Peter only leaves to make sure he doesn’t die. Nothing about what happened yet would possible have the man suspect the truth about his nature, apart from his looks maybe, and he wants to keep it that way. The first suspicion when humans find someone like him is mermaid, which isn’t completely wrong if he’s honest. Just that Peter isn’t a mermaid, not really at least. He’s more than just that, which is the sole reason he was attacked in the first place and ended up with the human.

In reality, Peter is a siren. One of those that lure fishermen and sailors into their death with their irresistible singing and impersonating what they desire the most deep down in their hearts. That he looks like the boy Tony is missing so much is no coincidence, even though he never told Tony that. At first, Peter was too hurt and scared to do so and when he wasn’t anymore, he already started to like the man too much to ruin the illusion. He doesn’t even know how he looks, as only Tony sees him the way he does. He doesn’t even mind the name Tony gave him, it makes him happy and it’s a nice name. But all of that doesn’t matter, not anymore.

Now, Peter can go back to feeding himself the way he is supposed to, that’s what’s important. He can survive on a diet of human food and fish for a while, but eventually, it will starve him. It’s nothing he wants to do, but it’s necessary to survive. And who knows, maybe he can find some nice things to give to Tony that way. Sometimes, sailors have pretty things humans like with them when they fall into his trap.

\-----

Once the sun starts setting, Tony returns to the pool that evening. He doesn’t know when exactly Peter will come back, but he doesn’t mind waiting either. With his feet dangling in the water, Tony reads the book in his lap and occasionally takes a bite from his sandwich. There’s enough light from the lamps around him, so even it Peter takes much longer, he won’t have to stop reading.

Peter doesn’t take long to return, though. Only half an hour passes before Tony hears splashing and looks up, eyes falling onto the boy’s happy, excited face as he swims over. Peter pulls himself up a bit at the edge of the pool next to Tony, looking at him.

“You really came back,” Tony says quietly, barely able to believe it. There’s a faint smile on his lips that won’t disappear.

“I promised, didn’t I?” Peter chuckles amused. “I like being with you.”

This evening is a glimpse at a future Tony doesn’t want any different anymore. For the next weeks, Peter leaves in the morning and returns in the evening, not every day but almost at least. They spend several hours together talking, sometimes Peter brings Tony little gifts like coins or jewels he found while being out and it’s always making the man happy and emotional at the same time.

Sometimes, Tony even sleeps by the pool and they talk until late at night, when his eyes already keep falling shut against his will. Peter doesn’t actually sleep, not like Tony at least, but he often dozes next to him - half out of the water and half inside of it. For the first time since everything went downhill, Tony is actually feeling happiness again like this. If things would stay this way for the rest of his life, he surely wouldn’t mind. But, of course, life never works that way and it’s less than a month before everything he thinks he knows is thrown overboard again.

One evening, Peter returns later than usual, which already has Tony worried. When he sees the boy’s face, however, his eyes widen in shock.

“Oh my God, what happened? Who did this to you?” Tony doesn’t even think when he jumps into the pool and wades over to Peter, whose face is all bloody and looks beaten up.

“I’m okay, don’t worry,” the boy says with a smile, but ultimately flinches when Tony touches his face. “It’s nothing serious.”

“Someone did this to you,” Tony insists, looking utterly worried. “Please tell me there’s not more!”

“There isn’t, I promise,” Peter is quick to assure him, but Tony doesn’t buy it.

“You stay right here, I’ll take care of that.”

The man is out of the pool in a heartbeat and returns just a minute later with a first aid kit in hands. Peter barely has time to come to the edge before Tony pulls him out of the water. There’s no time to protest before he starts cleaning the blood off his face and patches up the wounds with waterproof bandaids. He insists on checking him for more injuries, but even when he doesn’t find anything else, he doesn’t seem to be relieved.

“Tell me what happened, please,” Tony almost begs, cupping the boy’s face gently. “Who did this to you? And why?”

“Tony, please, it’s nothing you need to worry about, I promise,” Peter tries to calm the man down, but it’s not working, so much is clear.

“But I do worry,” Tony says and it’s showing in his voice as much as in his eyes. “Please tell me the truth…”

Peter is silent for a long moment, just looking at Tony and worried no less.

“It’s… it’s not easy to explain,” he finally sighs, resting his head against the other’s. “You have to promise me to not get mad, okay?”

“Just tell me,” Tony all but begs, his eyes shimmering wet. “I don’t want to worry about someone hurting you all the time, I can’t… I can’t do that…”

“I’m not what you think I am,” Peter admits quietly, dropping his gaze. “What you think I am… those are the ones trying to hurt me…”

Tony actually pulls back, confusion written all over his face as he looks at the boy. What does he mean by ‘not what he thinks he is’? It’s… obvious what Peter is, or not?

“You’re… not a mermaid?” he finally asks and after a moment of silence, Peter shakes his head. “But… I don’t understand…”

“I’m a siren, Tony,” Peter sighs and looks up again, a shameful expression on his face. “We are the same species but… not the same race, I guess. Mermaids hunt my kind, they see us as evil and… and dangerous.”

Tony is completely dumbfounded he actually slumps back onto the ground for a moment. A siren… he knows about those, but… the boy can’t possibly be a siren, right? Sirens are monsters, they lure sailors into their deaths, they appear as the thing they desire the most, but Peter is -- Suddenly, Tony’s eyes widen and he stares at the boy in utter shock.

Peter! Is… is that why the boy looks just like Peter? Because he’s trying to lure him in with the one he misses so desperately? Is he just waiting for the right moment to end his life?

“Please tell me that’s not true,” Tony whispers, tears filling his eyes. “Don’t, please… don’t tell me that’s what you are going to do…”

Peter is confused for a moment before realizing what Tony is implying. He quickly shakes his head and leans forward, to which Tony reacts by flinching and backing away.

“I… I won’t hurt you, that’s not what I meant,” he says, pulling back again. “I like you, I really do, I just want you to understand…”

Tony stares at him with wide eyes, a few stray tears rolling down his cheeks. “Is that why you wanted to stay?” he asks, his voice full of hurt. “So I trust you and you can finish the job one day?”

“W-What? No! Tony, I -- I won’t _do_ that!” Peter hates how this information so obviously scares the other and uses his tail to push himself up enough to drop down closer to him. “Look at me, Tony, please. I’m not here because I want to hurt you, I mean it. I would never do that!”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because… because I like you,” Peter says quietly and looks down at his tail. “I look the way I do because of what I am, but… it’s not on purpose, I swear. I never tried to manipulate you, don’t think that…”

Tony’s mind is racing. He wants to believe the boy so badly, he doesn’t want this to end as dark as he knows it should probably end, but how can he be sure?

“Why did they attack you?” he finally asks, trying hard to keep it together and to not back away even more. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Peter insists and shakes his head quickly. “They hate us, you don’t understand… I was just swimming around and then there were several of them… they want to kill all of us.”

Tony’s heart aches and everything in him screams to reach out and comfort the boy, but he forces himself to stay right where he is.

“It was only one today and I managed to escape because I’m much faster now,” Peter continues, running a hand over his new tail. “I gave them a good smack and swam away…”

“Do you really do what the stories say?” Tony asks carefully, looking at the boy. “Do you… kill people?”

“I… I do…” Peter admits and drops his shoulders. “I have to, I… I can’t survive for too long without it, you know?”

“Do you… enjoy it?”

Peter shrugs after a moment. “I never thought about whether I enjoy it or not,” he admits. “It’s just… natural for me. But I never tried to do it with you.”

“Why not?” Tony can’t believe the thought never crossed the boy’s mind. It makes no sense.

“You were nice to me,” Peter says quietly and looks up with big sad eyes. “No one was ever just nice to me or tried to help me. Everyone just sees me as a monster… I know you just did it because I look the way I do, but… it felt good not being hated for once.”

Tony knows he shouldn’t believe the boy, but he wants to. He doesn’t want him to leave, no matter what he is. Carefully, he reaches out with his hand and cover’s Peter’s with it. There’s a faint smile that appears on the boy’s lips at the gentle touch.

“I really don’t want to hurt you, I swear,” he says again and this time, Tony smiles too.

“I know, I… I believe you,” he mumbles. There is a moment of silence before Tony speaks again. “Do you… know how you look? How I see you? Do you see yourself this way too?”

Peter slowly shakes his head. “I can’t see it, no,” he sighs. “We always look like the one the person looking at us desires and wants the most, but we can’t see it ourselves.”

“Can you show me how you really look?”

Again, Peter shakes his head. “I don’t think so, only we can see ourselves this way…”

Tony looks like he’s thinking for a moment before he suddenly jumps up. “I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!” Peter is so confused, he doesn’t even think about leaving. What is Tony trying to do? There’s no way he can see himself the way he does, he told him!

After a few minutes, Tony returns with a small mirror in his hand. “Maybe you can see yourself the way I do if we look into it together? Then I would look at you too, right?”

“I… I guess so, yeah,” Peter mumbles, not sure if this is going to work. He never actually looked at himself in a mirror, the most he does is use the water surface as one, but it’s not the same, he knows that. “But I can’t promise it will work.”

“Only one way to find out, right?” Tony sounds cheerful and it actually makes Peter smirk. If it doesn’t work, nothing is lost at least.     So, Tony sits down next to Peter and holds the mirror out in front of them. When Peter looks into it, however, he suddenly freezes in place.

He didn’t expect to see anything but his own reflection, but what he actually lays eyes on completely terrifies him to the very core. He doesn’t see himself the way Tony does or even sees himself the way he actually looks, no. Instead, he looks at Tony himself, same eyes, same face, same beard, just... same everything. Peter’s heart starts beating so fast it makes it difficult to breathe and he slaps the mirror away from Tony’s hands.

“What’s wrong? What… what did you see?” Tony asks worried, but Peter just shakes his head.

This can’t be, no! He can’t look like Tony to himself, that’s not how it works! He never looked like anyone else before, never!

“I… I have to go, I’m sorry,” Peter manages to get out before he dives back into the pool with a push of his tail. Without another word he disappears through the canal, his panic too strong to stay for even a second longer.

It’s impossible that he looks like Tony, he can’t, no. It would mean that Tony is the one he desires most and that’s not right, that’s not what is supposed to happen. He can’t want him, he can’t, he can’t…

\-----

For the next days, Peter doesn’t come back. Not in the evenings or in the mornings, he doesn’t return at all. At first, Tony is simply confused, but his confusion soon turns into hurt and eventually, into full on heartbreak. He sleeps by the poolside every night, jerking awake from the tiniest noise in hopes it might be Peter returning, but every last time he’s disappointed. He also drinks again, way too much for it to be good for him, but it’s the only way he can even sleep anymore.

He doesn’t know why Peter disappeared so suddenly and that hurts the most. Did he do something wrong? Did he go too far somehow? Did he hurt the boy with his accusations or questions without realizing it? Tony just can’t explain what happened, it makes no sense…

After three days without the boy returning, Tony can’t take it anymore. He walks down to the shore where he found Peter all this time ago and just sits down, staring at the ocean. Why he picks this specific spot he doesn’t know, but he still hopes against all hope that the boy will come back, that he’s not gone forever.

What Tony doesn’t know is that Peter is far closer than he thinks he is. The boy has been watching him from the moment he left and when he suddenly spots Tony at the shore, he hides behind the rocks so he won’t be spotted.

Not coming back is the hardest thing Peter has ever done, but his fear of what’s going on is too strong to ignore it. Throughout all those years he never experienced something like this and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He never even liked anyone before, which made it already confusing and difficult that he liked Tony, but seeing the man’s reflection instead of his own so suddenly threw him off completely.

He’s not supposed to like humans and he’s definitely not supposed to want them in any way other than the one that ends with their death. With Tony, Peter never once thought about killing him. The way the human looked at him and treated him… it was different from the others. Usually, the ones he lures in are just needy and desperate, ignoring everything else until they are already drowning. But Tony is different. Peter never tried to actually lure him in, but even without it, the effect should have been similar to what he’s used to. Tony never acted like the others, though. What happened with him was special, in a way.

_Is this what it’s like to be loved?_

The question is just as scary as the situation itself and Peter quickly shakes his head to get rid of it. He’s not supposed to love or to be loved, that’s not what’s in his nature. He’s a monster, he doesn’t deserve to be loved, and if Tony loves him, he must be insane. Nothing else makes any sense.

Now that he sees the human sitting with his feet in the water, however, Peter starts to doubt his own mind. Hours pass, without the man even moving and when the new day begins, he still sits right where he sat the night before. Peter keeps watching him, unsure what any of this means and still terrified of those emotions he doesn’t know how to cope with, waiting for something to happen. But nothing is happening, nothing at all.

The day goes by without Tony leaving or doing anything but staring at the waves. From time to time he shifts, indicating that he’s still awake, but that’s all. Eventually, Peter gets curious and swims behind a different stone to have a better view on him and when he sees the human’s face his heart aches. Tony’s eyes are red and shimmering with tears, he can only assume for how long he has been crying in silence and had his tears carried away by the ocean.

When Tony finally moves, the sun already sunk again, leaving the world around them illuminated by nothing but the pale moonlight. For a few minutes, the man just stands there and looks at the waves, slightly swaying on his feet, which Peter assumes is due to his lack of sleep. Then, he suddenly starts walking. Not away from the ocean, however, but right into the water.

Peter’s chest tightens and he watches the human with wide eyes as he wades into the water, his body slowly being swallowed by it. He doesn’t know what any of this means, why would he go for a swim so late at night? When it finally dawns on the boy what Tony is about to do his head is almost underwater already and he can feel a wave of panic wash over him.

Without thinking, Peter darts into the ocean and swims over to where Tony was just seconds ago. He can’t let this happen, he can’t! He can’t let him die like this.

_Please be alive, please be alive…_

His panic grows to be almost unbearable when his hand finally grabs something and he lets out a distressed cry. Tony isn’t moving, so Peter simply pulls him up enough so he’s above the water surface before swimming back to the shore. He has tears rolling down his cheeks when he looks down at the human and realizes he’s not breathing anymore, a sob stuck in his throat.

“You can’t die like that!” he cries and pushes himself up, clutching the man’s shirt desperately. “You dumb human, breathe! How dare you do this? _How dare you?_ Breathe, you stupid idiot! _Breathe!_ ”

Peter is crying and shouting and literally punching Tony’s chest and stomach, his whole body trembling and shaking. Eventually, he breaks down over the man’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

“I’m sorry, Tony! I didn’t want this, I promise! I didn’t want to hurt you, please don’t be dead, please…”

At first, Peter doesn’t notice the sudden jerk doesn’t come from him, only when Tony turns beneath him he realizes what’s going on and immediately pushes himself back up. The man heaves and coughs, after a moment actually throwing up a mouthful of water and Peter lets out a desperate sob when he sees this.

“Tony…”

Several minutes pass before Tony finally manages to stop coughing. By that time, his eyes are teary again and when he looks up at Peter, it’s like he doesn’t see him at first.

“Thank God you’re alive!” the boy sobs again and suddenly throws himself forward, clinging to Tony desperately. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad! I don’t want you to die, I never did, I swear…”

The hand that is pressed against his back is weak at first, but eventually, Tony pulls Peter close against him, burying his face against his neck. They simply stay like this for a while, just holding each other and both trying to calm down from what happened. In the end it’s Tony who breaks the silence, his voice a quiet and hoarse whisper.

“I’m sorry if I scared you somehow…”

Peter shakes his head and holds onto Tony even tighter. “It’s my fault, I… I panicked and didn’t know what to do… when I saw my reflection I was so terrified…”

“What… what did you see?” Tony asks quietly and Peter actually tenses in his arms. It feels like forever before he answers and it’s just one word, quiet and shaky.

“You…”

After a few seconds, Tony’s arms wrap around the boy, both this time and he just lets himself be pulled up and against his chest, hiding his face. He doesn’t feel trapped or scared, instead, the tight and warm embrace helps him relax and calm down slowly.

“It’s alright, really,” Tony says quietly, pressing a kiss onto the boy’s wet hair. “I know it’s scary, but you don’t have to run away, I promise… it’s okay, we can make it all good.”

“Please, I… I like being with you, I don’t want you to think I’m a monster… I don’t want to leave again,” the boy sniffs and Tony gently rubs his back.

“You’re not a monster, honey, I would never think like that about you,” Tony assures him calmly. “I’d like you to stay too… it’s so lonely without you, I hate it.”

Peter lets out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob and nods hesitantly.

“I hate it too,” he agrees and wipes his nose awkwardly. “But I never felt this for someone… I don’t know how to do this.”

“I’ll show you, promised,” Tony smiles, nuzzling his face against the boy’s hair. “We can make this work…”

Maybe he’s not actually Peter, but Tony realized it doesn’t matter during the time the boy was gone. He wants him to stay and even if it’s weird and messed up, he feels so much happier with him around. And who is going to judge him for this? It’s only them around here, so it doesn’t matter what anyone else might think. As long as he can keep this wonderful boy in his arms happy and be with him, anything else is not important.


End file.
